


Just Breathe Out

by j0mpx927



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Bang Chan has Legal Custody of Reader, Bang Chan is Called Chris, Bang Chan is a Good Older Brother, Bang Chan saved Reader, Christmas, F/M, Felix is a Good Best Friend, Female Reader, Han Jisung | Han has Anxiety, Hickeys, Im tired, Implied Consent, Implied Ownership, Insomnia, Light breathplay, Loneliness, Making Out, Mutual Pining, My First Fanfic, My First Smut, Non-Nicotine Vaping, Oral Sex, Platonic Cuddling, Protective Lee Minho | Lee Know, Reader is bad at Korean, Reader is slightly babied, Reader is the youngest, References to Depression, Smut, Social Anxiety, not-so-platonic cuddling, semi-public make out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:14:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28376040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j0mpx927/pseuds/j0mpx927
Summary: My first Christmas with the skizzies and I'm blowing vape smoke into Jisung's mouth. Nice.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Reader
Comments: 3
Kudos: 25





	Just Breathe Out

**Author's Note:**

> Hi hey I got this questionable Christmas Present this year and my friend formulated this becasue she's a little shit. Also I'm demi-sexual so I don't know much about this. Anyway this is my first time writing so please bare with me thank you.

Christmas morning has never felt so dull. Waking up has never felt so cold. There’s an empty space in the bed where there once was a teddy bear- it must’ve fallen on the floor while I was asleep. Minho and Chan’s shared bunk bed is empty as well. The bedroom is silent, despite sharing it with two other people. The whole room is just empty. Sitting up seems impossible, and I decide, despite it being Christmas, I can spare a few more minutes- maybe hours- in bed. It takes every ounce of energy to lean over, snatching the teddy bear off the floor and rolling back over to face the wall. 

The sun coming through the window is too bright to fall asleep now. I’m not sure when the sun came up, but I don’t remember seeing it rise. It must’ve come within the last two hours while I was finally asleep. At least I got to sleep tonight. Most nights, after Chris finally falls asleep, I’ll lay awake for hours before I inevitably climb into his bed until morning. Now that I think about it, cuddling is the only way I can get my gratitude across to him. If it weren’t for him, I’d be in some random home, doing who knows what, owned by who knows who. I should work on communicating my emotions.

The door opens, and I can hear someone shuffling in quietly. Minho must be back from the bathroom. It’s become a habit to pretend I’m asleep when Minho comes in. After all, Chris is the only one who knows about my insomnia. We have the best bonding moments after everyone sleeps anyway. “Hey,” that’s not Minho, “wake up. Everyone is waiting, we thought you were just getting ready.” Felix’s voice sounds sleepy, and it sends a wave of warmth straight through my body. I roll over, meeting his pretty little freckles with half open eyes. “Cuddles first?” my voice comes out a bit squeakier than expected, and he breaks into a smile, leaning down to pull the blankets off my torso. “No. Presents.” Not exactly the answer I was searching for, but with Chris now coming in the room to find me too, I don’t seem to have another option. 

Felix wasn’t lying. Everyone is gathered on the sofas, thankfully all fully clothed for the first time since I’ve been here. You would think after taking someone new in the house they’d throw some shirts on in the morning. Chris claps his hands, shouting a quick ‘okay’ to gather everyone’s attention and strolling over to the tree to start passing out presents. The boys are mumbling excitedly, but having only been here since July, I can only pick out a few words. Felix and I share the empty space on the couch, squeezing in a little too tight. Our hip bones are pressed together, and I can almost feel the bruise forming. 

Chris makes sure we each have a present placed in our laps before he takes his own, sliding to sit in front of us all on the floor. “Okay,” he announces, “open.” My present is small but heavy, and I barely focus on the wrapping paper when I’m busy tearing it open. The box is white, decorated with some words I can’t quite read, and taped to it is a small white note with my name scribbled across the front. I flip it over to read, “I can tell it’s getting worse lately. I hope this can help. Before you freak out, they’re harmless. Just aromatherapy. Ps. hide this from Minho. He’ll flip.” I meet Chris’s eyes, and he shoots a quick glance toward Minho before nodding me on to open it. When I open the box I see six small pen-like tubes laid in the bottom. They’re all different colored, and I lift them up to try to read the small writings along the sides. It’s useless. I can feel Felix’s breath on my hands as he leans over to look at what I’m holding. “Need help?” He smirks. “Kinda.” 

As Felix spouts out a few random fragrances in my ear, I can’t help but look around at what everyone else is holding. I can’t focus though, and my brain starts to fog from the overwhelming noise in the room. “You okay,” Felix snaps through my fog, “you’re spacing.” He giggles despite the hint of concern in his eyes. I nod, standing up from my spot and taking the box in my hands, “I’m just going to put these in my room quick.” “Oh,” he nods, “want me to come?” He starts to stand, but quickly settles back down when Chris stands, placing a hand on my shoulder and mumbling a short “I’ll go.”

When we’re finally in the room, Chris sits next to me on my bed and starts to explain what each pen is and how to use them. It seems simple. Suck into your mouth- not your lungs- and breathe out your nose. “Here,” he hands me a light-purple one, “try this one, and we’ll go back out if it calms you down.” He holds the pen up to my mouth, and I wrap my lips around it to suck in. The vapor fills my mouth, and I breathe out my nose to let it into the air. It smells nice, like tangerines and chamomile, and I can hear Chris stifle a giggle. “That really does look bad,” he giggles out, and just the sight of his smile makes me want to do it again. Anything to make them smile. This time though, just as I suck in, Minho walks in the door, and I suck in a bit too much, sending me into a coughing fit. Minho is frozen, staring at the vapor leaving my lips. Chan pats my back, panicking a bit as well about Minho walking in. Minho’s voice makes me jump as he shoots a quick “what is that?” Chris tries to explain as the other is walking towards me to investigate. “Chan,” he starts, before spewing out a string of words so fast I can’t keep up. The boys start to gather at the door after hearing Minho’s shouting, and they’re all staring at the scene in front of them. 

Chris seems to explain though, because Minho takes a few steps back, lock eyes with me and instructs me to “do it again.” I bring the pen back to my lips shakily, hesitant under Minho’s gaze. Chris places a hand on my thigh and nods me along. I suck in, locking eyes with Felix who just stares back in sympathy. As I breathe back out, somewhat through my mouth this time out of nervousness, my eyes wander to Jisung who is stood next to Felix. His eyes, however, are locked on my lips, seemingly entranced by the vapor that is escaping them. Minho sighs, and I’m locked back on to him as he mutters a few unintelligible words towards Chris. The older just nods, explaining through a few more gentle words to Minho. The latter asks to see the device, outstretching his palm. I place the device in his hand, and he brings it to his face gently to inspect it. “Can I try it,” he questions. I just nod, gesturing at him to go ahead and he places it to his lips. After a short breath in, he opens his mouth partially, letting the fog slide through his lips and into the air. “Smells good,” he giggles, and I can’t help but excitedly nod along in agreement. Minho places it back in my hand, whispering a quick apology and clearing out of the room. 

After everyone clears out, Jisung replaces Minho’s spot in the room. He looks almost hesitant, and I stand to meet him in case he wants something. “Is there something wrong,” I question, hiding the pen behind my back subconsciously. “Will you do it again,” he speaks out quietly, “it was cool.” I bring the device to my lips, a little confused, and watch as his eyes follow the pen. I watch, still, as his face gets lost in the fog, but I can tell he’s still watching my lips. It’s not something uncommon for him, he’s always tended to stare at me without noticing. I figure it’s out of pure unfamiliarity, considering he can also get anxious around people, but even so I play it up just this once in hopes that he isn’t just nervous. I lick my lips at the end, watching as his eyes flicker up to mine, then back down at my lips. He smiles, muttering a small “thank you” and leaving the room. Strange.

The boys seem to be especially energetic today, and I spend almost the whole day fumbling with the pen that Felix says is labeled ‘relax’. We are all in the living room after dinner, sectioned off into small groups doing various activities. Hyunjin, Minho, and Seungmin are sitting on the floor bickering over video games; Changbin, Jisung, and Jeongin are giggling over videos on Chris’s laptop; and Felix and Chris are testing out Jeongin’s new toy cars. I’m sat in the same spot on the couch, cuddled up with my ‘relax’ pen and Minho’s phone. Every once in a while, Felix will move from his seat next to Chris and come to see what I’m playing.

After Chris and Felix finish putting away the last car, the older moves into his office for the night and Felix comes to join me on the couch. He practically shoves me out of the way, sliding in to sit behind me and places his legs on either side of my body. “Sit back I want to cuddle,” he whines, pulling my shoulders back into him. “It isn’t cuddling if it’s forced, Lix,” I giggle, keeping my eyes on the phone to focus on my game. He only sighs, nuzzling into my shoulder. I suck in a breath from the pen, turning my head slightly to blow it out into his face and send him into a whining fit. I can’t help but giggle, leaning my head back into his shoulder until he starts giggling too and we clash heads. I feel another weight on top of my lap, and open my eyes to see Jisung crawling up to pile on top of us. Felix tries to shove him off, but Jisung only pushes back and soon I’m stuck between a play fight. 

About an hour later and everyone has left the room besides Jisung and I. He’s sitting up on the couch, head hung back as he sleeps. I’m laying my head on his lap, staring up at the ceiling and wishing to just fall asleep. If I could only fall asleep. My head flashes back to those pens, specifically one Felix says is labeled ‘sleep’, and I roll down to reach into the box and pull out the grey one. The movement causes Jisung to wake up a little, and he sits up to peer at me with half-closed eyes. I don’t notice at first as I’m leaning down to the floor, but as I lay back down, blowing a breath of fog out of my lips, I meet his eyes. He smiles down, sucking in a deep breath and looking around the room. “Smells good,” he rasps out, causing me to giggle out softly at his voice. “You think so,” I question a little too playfully. “I do,” he nods, lifting his leg up to signal me to sit up. I follow, sitting up next to him and opting to lean on his shoulder. It’s silent for a while, only the sound of our breathing- and a bit of vapor- fill the room. 

“Will you do me a favor,” he whispers, turning to look at me. “Sure,” I pick my head up, “What do you need?” I try to make eye contact, but I can tell he’s avoiding it, and I look down to watch as he plays with his own fingers. “You need a de-stress stick,” I ask half-heartedly, but instead of getting the chuckle I expected, Jisung nods, leaning down to pick up the pen out of the box. He brings it to his lips, but stops just as it taps his bottom lip. “Actually,” he whispers, placing the pen up against my lip, “you can do me this favor instead.” I can only offer him confusion, and he giggles softly at me. “Blow it into my mouth,” he offers. “What?” I can’t help but lean forward, making sure I am hearing him correctly. “Blow it into my mouth,” he repeats, “I just want to try it.” I nod, a little hesitant to mess it up, but I still take a breath in from the stick. I hold it in my mouth, leaning forward slowly as he turns and opens his mouth slightly. Once I’m only a few centimeters away, head tilted just slightly out of instinct, and breathe a slow breath out. I can hear him breathe in slowly, but I wish I could see it through my closed eyelids. Just as I start to inhale again, he leans in to press our lips together, and I can taste the vapor mixing between our mouths. It ends as soon as it starts though, and we’re both leaning back to lock eyes when we hear Chris leave his office.

“Oh you’re both awake,” he points out, stumbling into the room to meet us. Jisung and I both jump, creating a bigger gap between us and turning to face Chris. “Oh,” the older stops walking, “did I wake you up?” I shake my head, giggling and letting my head hang down. The silence is suffocating, and we can all feel an odd tension building up. “Well, I guess I’m heading to bed,” Chris mutters out awkwardly, “meet you in my bed later.” The older spins on his heel, leaving into the bedroom and shutting the door. As soon as the door latches, Jisung is moving back closer to me. “Can I kiss you again?” It doesn’t take long for me to answer this time, and we’re back on each other’s lips before either of us can take a breath.

This time, our kissing never seems to end, and after only a few minutes, he’s tapping my hip to signal me onto his lap. I straddle his thighs, pushing my hips forward to grind lightly against him. The action has him groaning into our kiss, and our hands begin to wander. His right hand slides up my back, under my shirt, and I can feel his fingers twiddling with the band of my bra. I slide my hips forward again, staying this way this time and pressing our stomachs together and wrapping my arms around to play with his hair. The kiss grows more desperate, and he slides his tongue against my bottom lip. I part my lips, forcing our lips together harder as if to beg for more. He obliges, sliding his tongue in between my lips and bringing his hands around my torso to fumble at my breasts. It’s my turn to moan this time, and it comes out slightly louder than intended, vibrating our lips and causing him to groan back. He pulls back to chuckle, shushing me and pointing towards the bedroom. I whisper a quick apology, but start grinding my hips down against him. His chuckling cuts off into a quiet gasp, and he leans his head forward to meet my shoulder. His hands drop back down to my hips, guiding me forward and back but squeezing almost a little too hard. 

“Careful,” I pant out, “I bruise easy.” I hear him scoff, and he turns his lips to connect with my neck. “Good.” He gets to work with his tongue, carefully licking up my neck just to attack behind my ear. I tip my head back to let out a moan, but it’s cut off when Jisung brings a hand up to cover my mouth. He presses against my nose and mouth, blocking off my breathing just enough that I can only get small gasps in here and there, and he keeps sucking small spots around my neck and collar bones. Jisung begins to nibble at the collar of my shirt, tugging on it gently and releasing the pressure of his hand to slide the shirt off of me. As soon as the shirt hits the couch, he’s pulling my bra down under my breasts and moving his mouth towards my nipples. He stops only a couple centimeters away, glancing up at me through his eyelashes and poking his tongue out. He stops just before contact, batting his eyelashes as if to tease. 

His games don’t last long. Without thinking, I slide my hand up into the back of his hair, pulling his head towards me a little too forcefully until he finally makes contact. I can feel him giggle a little, blowing a puff of hot air onto my nipple. He seems to take the hint though, and gets to work with his tongue first, kitten licking just to start off. It’s not long before he fully gets into it, and he brings a hand up to twist at my other nipple. I can only drop my head forward, breathing hot air into his scalp and spewing a string of curses along with his name. He switches sides, ensuring each side gets equal treatment as to not play favoritism. 

After evening out his work on the other side, he pulls back, locking eye contact and licking at his lips dramatically. I connect to his lips one more time before moving off his lap and down to the floor. Bringing a hand up to his knee, I begin to slide it up his thigh towards the bulge restrained within his pajama pants. He hums, sliding his own hand up my arm until he reaches my shoulder, and he pulls forward lightly until the top of my head hits his abs. I can clearly see the outline of his cock now, leaning down to wrap my lips on either side through his pants. Immediately, his grip starts to tighten on my shoulder, and I lick out to press my tongue against the fabric of his pants. “Please,” he whines, shaking my shoulder lightly. I can refuse, but in the end, I can’t wait much longer either, and I’m hooking my fingers under the bands of his pants and underwear. Jisung helps, lifting his head up and pulling down on the back of his own pants. I hear the tip of his cock tap his belly, and he slides his hips back down into place on the couch. 

“Should we be careful,” I hesitate, knowing Chris is probably still awake on his phone. Jisung only sighs, grabbing the discarded pen off the couch and attaching it to his lips. He takes a big breath in, pulling the vapor into his mouth and leaning down to blow it into my face. “No,” he whispers once his breath is out, “let him see.” “Jisung,” I try to reason, but I can tell by his eyes- they’re glossy and only half open- he’s too far gone to care by now. I opt to getting back to work instead, leaning down to wrap my lips around his head and slide my tongue gently along the slit. He takes a deep breath, laying his head back against the couch and gripping the cushions beside him. I take that as encouragement to push further down, sinking until my nose hits his pelvis and he’s hitting the back of my throat. I gag, swallowing in an attempt to adjust, and it has his hands flying to the back of my head and tangling into my hair. He’s holding my head in place as I choke around him and the increasing need to breathe starts to become overwhelming. Jisung must feel this, because he’s pulling my head back up from my hair and making eye contact. I cough out a few times, but give him a reassuring nod and wrap my lips back around him. This time, he thrusts up, holding my head in place and repeatedly tapping the back of my throat. I can feel my eyes starting to water up, and my whole body burns, but his moaning just keeps getting higher pitched, and the way his body stutters sends me bobbing my head along with his pace. There’s an aching between my legs, causing me to moan along with him and grind my hips forward in an attempt to find some sort of friction. His hips start frantically stuttering forward, and he forces my head down further into his hips. I try my best to relax letting him shoot a string of cum into my mouth and down my throat. 

Even after he’s done, he’s holding my head in place, allowing me to just swallow around him and attempt to lap up the missed strings of white. When he finally releases his grip, I pull my head back up, licking my lips and panting up at him. He rolls his eyes back, quietly moaning out my name as he helps me back up to my feet. “Come,” he whispers, grabbing my hand and standing up. He leads me into his room where only Jeongin is asleep on the bottom bunk. There’s an empty bed in the corner- Felix’s- and it occurs to me, only for a moment, that he must not be asleep. The thought is soon forgotten, and Jiusng is guiding me up the ladder to his own bed. 

Once we’re both up, he’s pushing me down onto my back and straddling my hips. He holds a finger to his lips, then points down at Jeongin’s bed. I nod, getting the hint, and he swings his leg around and off of me to work at pulling my pants off. I lift my hips to help him, following the same actions he had done before until my own pants are off and pushed off to the side. Jisung starts kissing down my stomach, biting and sucking at little bits of skin on the way, until he reaches my hips. I close my eyes, focusing on just keeping quiet, when I feel his lips on my hip bone. He nips at it, and sends a hot, stinging, feeling across my pelvis. I feel my body tighten, causing a quiet creaking noise to leave the bed frame. Jisung glances up at me, leaving one last kitten lick over the now-forming bruise, and slides his hands between my thigh. Pushing my legs apart, Jisung lowers his head down between them, brown hair tickling across my pelvis. 

It starts as a slow licking, gliding up between folds and kissing around edges, but it doesn’t take long to progress. The boy starts sucking on a small bundle of nerves, and I can no longer hold in the moan that has been threatening to leave my throat. The moan comes out as a sharp, airy whine- definitely not like I expected- and Jisung flinches slightly as it pierces the quiet air. I feel his hand start to slide up my body, past my breasts, and grip onto my throat. He squeezes gently at first, but slowly adds pressure the more I thrash, moans threatening to escape again. Jisung must sense the struggling, and moves his hand from my neck to slide two fingers into my mouth. He’s pressing down on my tongue and back into my throat, and I begin to instinctively suck on them. The motion seems desperate, hungry, but Jisung doesn’t seem to mind as he speeds up his movements, suckling faster and harder as he begins to thrust his fingers deeper into my mouth.

Jisung moans suddenly, and the vibration against my clit sends me over the edge as my body begins to feel hot and numb, and in a blink my thighs are squeezing together against his ears, body shaking uncontrollably. The older doesn’t stop, only slowing down his movements to guide me through my orgasm. It gets too much, though, and I can’t help but pull at his hair. Jisung starts to get stubborn, refusing to stop until I’ve thoroughly messed up his hair trying to tug him up. When he finally lifts himself back over my face, he’s chuckling softly through a smirk at my panting, my lips parted slightly and eyes glossed over. “Feel good?” he whispers, running his thumb across my bottom lip. I can only nod, kissing the tip of his thumb before pulling him down to cuddle. 

Not even a minute later and the door to Jisung’s room opens. I try to push him off, but he stays still, restraining me and closing his eyes as if he’s asleep. I take the hint, but decide not to close my eyes until I see who is coming in. It’s Felix, of course, and he’s trudging sleepily over to his bed with his hair disheveled and eyes closed. “Changbin’s bed,” Jisung whispers into my ear, and I can’t help but gasp at what he’s implying. “He really sleeps in there,” I question quietly, “they don’t seem like the ones to cuddle.” I only feel Jisung nod against my neck, and the room falls quiet again.

Once we’re both positive Felix is asleep, Jisung moves to let me out of his hold. “One more kiss,” he offers, to which I oblige, and connect our lips. It’s softer this time, less desperate and needy, and it sparks a crowd of butterflies in my stomach. Once we’re separated, I whisper out a small “goodnight” and make my way back to gather my clothes. I slide my pants on once I reach the floor, taking a quick glance at Jeongin to make sure he, too, is asleep, before making my way to the living room to collect my shirt. It’s cold once I leave the room, and I’m silently thankful that Chris didn’t wake back up and come out. As I pass our bedroom, I press my ear to the door, and hear nothing but silence. I grab my shirt and head into the bathroom to clean up.

When I’m done in the bathroom, I make my way back to my room, and instinctively climb into bed with Chris. It’s silent for a while, the only noise being Minho’s soft mumbling. After a few minutes, Chris rolls over, making me jump and pull back a little. He opens his eyes, looking tiredly at me before opening his mouth to whisper. “You smell like Jisung,” he leans in to sniff more, “and,” he hesitates for a while, inspecting my face and neck, before he speaks again. “Please tell me you at least cleaned up before getting in my bed,” he sighs. The implication is clear, and sends me into a fit of quiet giggles and blushing. “Yeah I,” I move my head to hide my face in his chest, “I did.” He sighs again, bringing a hand to the back of my head to smooth my hair down. 

“Better hide those hickeys from Minho too, or you can explain it to him this time.”

**Author's Note:**

> Yup I hate this.


End file.
